Home Study Visit # 1

Well the social worker has just gone and we have survived the first home study session! She was very nice and I think we all got on well. She seems to think if all goes smoothly, that we should be approved by Christmas!!!

We pretty much went through all the basics again with her - what we had learnt on the prep course; the reasons why we had decided to adopt; the number and ages of the children we were looking etc.etc.

She wanted to look around the house (upstairs is a total tip!) and I don't think she was particularly impressed too see three of our four cats stretched out asleep on the spare bed. Her reaction was not really very positive!!

Anyway, she is going to be sending us some homework and we are going to have fortnightly visits from next week onwards (she reckons 6 to 8 visits should be enough), each lasting approx. 2 hours.

So positive - so far, so good.

S

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Meeting up

Having used the Adoption UK discussion boards for quite a while, one of the people local to me who has been a wealth of information and support, offered to meet up for a coffee.

Mrs M has had her two boys for 18 months. They are now aged 8 and 2. I met the little one, TM, as she bought him with her.

Mrs M was happy to chat about life as an adoptive parent and all it has in store. She answered all my questions frankly and honestly, and really put things into perspective. I am sure she has not had it easy, but at last, things are starting to settle down.

She told me that for the first year, she and her husband did not have a meal out. The children were so clingy and unsettled that they could not even think about getting a babysitter. Also, her eldest son, SM, had been through so much that prior to them moving here, if he had stayed at his school, he would have been excluded for his behaviour.

Having been told on our prep course that the best thing for the child when they arrive is to put them straight into school, to get them used to the routine. Mrs M said that she wishes she had kept SM at home for the first term, to give him time to settle and bond with her. His transition to the new school would then have been less traumatic for him.

Another thing we talked about was discipline. I read in books that you have to discipline an adopted child in a completely different way to a birth child. Naughty steps and time out are a complete no-no. Mrs M said that you can do time out but you have to be careful not to send the child to time out, somewhere out of sight. Do time out in the corner of the room you are in, on a beanbag or chair or mat. That way, they are not thinking they are being sent somewhere and are rejected again.

Mrs M was quite scathing about the funding they had. She said that they received a 250 pound settling in grant for the eldest, but as the youngest was under 2, they got nothing. They had to pay for everything - beds, buggy, car seats etc etc... She has advised me to ensure I put as much financial requests in as possible, so that the child's LA gives an ongoing amount of money on a regular basis. She also said that she has heard that you can put into this package an amount to cover a cleaner and someone to do the ironing.

So much to think about and learn!

S

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Graduated!!

We are now back home after four days of intensive Adoption Preparation Training Course. We feel so much more knowledgeable and are thankful to have been given the chance to do the course in one go - those that do evenings or once a week must really struggle to piece things all together.

We have learnt so much about trauma, loss, attachment, trust, placement, contact .... the tutor was truly inspirational and her background both as an adoption social worker and as an adopted person herself, has really been an 'authentic' insight.

There are so many different types of children and lots of people automatically assume that a younger child will be less 'damaged'. To be honest this is a myth (in lots of cases). A child who is younger does not know how to express themselves, so they tend to keep their feelings and thoughts deep rooted until later in life, when it can all come to a head. Whereas an older child can say how they are feeling and are able to make people aware of their feelings.

With the course being in London, we made full advantage and got out and about every evening (living overseas, there are lots of things we miss about Britain!). On Monday night we travelled to Brick Lane for a curry. Tuesday night saw us in one of London's best fisn n chip restaurants. Wednesday we went to Chinatown and had my favourite Crispy Duck with pancakes! Thursday night we opted for a vegetarian Turkish mezze. My mouth is watering just thinking about it!

We finally arrived home this morning after a 4am wake up call. Our cats were extremely pleased to see us and have been showering us with affection all afternoon.

The next step in our journey is to her from our newly appointed social worker within the next 3 weeks. This will comence with the home study period, which is expected to last about 8 months.

S
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Course begins!

Well we arrived in London on Monday afternoon and we had a nice jaunt down to Oxford Street, so to soak up the atmosphere. Had lovely tea and cake in John Lewis, which was scrummy.

Both of us are feeling excited and a little anxious about the unknown but not really very nervous. We know this is the next step in our journey...

The course began yesterday morning and the first hour or so is always difficult with a room full of strangers, but we soon relaxed and things began to flow well. It was so interesting. Discussing 'Identity' and how it shapes us for the rest of our lives. We also had a video to watch on a guy in his 40's who had been searching for his identity after leaving Barnardo's and having a hard life. In the afternoon we did a case study and it got us thinking about attachment and loss.

On the whole, everything has been very well organised and the main lady running the course is an inspiration. She is really, really good.

More follows soon!

S

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Getting closer!

Well we are getting that little bit closer...... coundown is on to the preparation course in London - 6 days and counting.....

Have to say that up until now I have been rather excited but nerves are certainly starting to set in. Not sure what the other people will be like. We have had a list of attendees and it does appear to have some prospective single and same sex adopters. Doesn't bother us in the slightest. Will be interesting to meet a selection of people who are in the same boat as us.

We both love London and I think we hope to be able to sample traditional British food, having been out of the country for almost 7 years now. Proper fish n chips!!

Proper curry from Brick Lane. Decent shopping in Oxford Street...

It has difused what would probably be a much more stressful week, had it been anywhere else.

Very few people know we are going, so we are going to have to tell parents a few white lies about where we are next week, as no doubt they will try to call during the week and get worried if they have no joy all week....

I know it is going to be a pretty intense week but I am still a little excited to be one step nearer our goal of having a family.

S

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